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I’ve recently found myself ending every other sentence with a variation of “I’m sorry.” I bet you’re doing it, too.

I’ve noticed that seemingly everyone I know instinctually apologizes every time they make a choice these days. Even when there’s nothing to be sorry for, we find ourselves feeling guilty. This trend may seem like a natural response, but its prevalence among Generation Z is hard to ignore.

I sometimes fear I’m the problem in certain social situations, and that might be why I constantly regret things that are nowhere near my fault. It comes from deeply rooted anxiety that turns my worst worry into thinking I’m secretly the cause of someone else’s discomfort. Too much courtesy is spreading rapidly into an epidemic, with one anxious person at a time succumbing.

On a conversational level, members of Generation Z often resort to “I’m sorry” instead of “excuse me” when trying to move out of someone’s way. Traditionally, people save apologies for repairing relationships or righting a wrong. Now, we jump to being sorry before we even receive any negative feedback.

It’s developing into a worsening habit, trickling into all areas of my life. I’ll even apologize for texting someone. We shouldn’t feel sorry for reaching out and wanting a conversation. This inherent belief that we’re a nuisance is degrading to our confidence over time, and we perpetuate it in ourselves without realizing it.

There’s something about a campus environment that puts me on edge. The break-neck pace and the assumption that everyone’s busy means that when I do reach out, my mind immediately betrays me — starting with assuming the space I take up is irritating. It might not be the fault of others, but communication today makes me feel like I need to be sorry for simply existing.

The disorienting part is that if a friend decides to question my apology, I realize my answer doesn’t exist. It’s become a reflexive habit I can neither control nor explain, confusing not just me, but my peers as well.

“I’m a massive people pleaser, and apologizing is like trying to ensure that no one’s going to have a problem with me for saying something or doing something silly,” Maryn Ascher, a Syracuse University junior, said.

Behaving through the lens that your actions consistently displease others, instead of advocating for your needs, is proven to erode our independent decision making.

Proactively apologizing insinuates we think we’re in the wrong, inherently and subconsciously shifting our peers’ perspective of us to a place of uncertain judgment. It forces them to think what we’ve done, or haven’t done, warrants an apology. It’s a cyclical and anxiety-fueled process that’s absolutely exhausting.

Since stepping into a major role of responsibility within my on-campus organization, I have seen firsthand how constant apologies make your colleagues look up to you less seriously.

It’s vital for a leader to be positive and kind, yet unapologetic in making decisions that benefit the group. If you appear tentative to your peers, you project that sense of worry and extensive self-deprecation onto them. It undermines the self-esteem needed to succeed in a powerful role, but hinders the work and effort you put into being your best self.

The problem with saying you’re sorry too much is that overusing an apology subtracts its value over time. When fixing a mistake truly is called for, like when you’ve genuinely hurt or upset someone, it simply feels disingenuous to the wounded person.

On top of decreasing their value to those around you, unnecessary apologies reinforce the notion that your actions and choices are wrong. When you apologize for something that doesn’t require it, that behavior then becomes feared inside. You’re training your brain to believe a perfectly normal decision is mistaken.

“I’ve said sorry for a multitude of things I didn’t need to say sorry for. Like a few days ago, I apologized to my roommates for being sick, when I had absolutely no control over the situation,” SU junior Madison Goodstein said. “I think we’re so worried about hurting other people’s feelings instead of protecting our own.”

Throwing an apology into the world strips you of your credibility, especially when there isn’t anything to feel contrite about.

When you believe in and desire something, represent and advocate for it in full. Put yourself first because people will respect initiative and certainty. They will value your ideas when you can stand behind them proudly, not cowering behind a metaphoric poster expressing your regret.

Stand your ground, be unapologetically yourself. Don’t say sorry too much — you’re ruining the times you’ll genuinely need to make amends.

Gracie Lebersfeld is a junior majoring in selected studies in education and creative writing. Her column appears bi-weekly. She can be reached at gmlebers@syr.edu.

Published on January 28, 2025 at 10:24 pm